April 15, 2006

Day 52: Nina’s continued anguish

Filed under: Nina's blog — Rebecca MacKinnon @ 10:31 pm

On April 14th Nina wrote a heartbroken post titled Bubbles of Happiness:

I warned myself a million times that I needed to be steadfast. I couldn’t be sad and weep again. I couldn’t show my weakness in front of others. Still, today I wept on the streets. The same image kept flickering in my mind: in the springtime sun, a little girl blowing bubbles was running after the bubbles dancing with the colorful reflection of sunlight. But in the end she could only watch as each popped before her eyes. I think that I was that little girl blowing bubbles. I once thought I was so close to happiness, but before I achieved it, it broke just like a soap bubble. This kind of painful helplessness has made me brittle like glass.

Why can the decisions of one or two people in the National Security Unit dominate the willpower of a huge group of people, and also legally find excuses for themselves? Is it to prove their power? Is it to be promoted one step higher? God! You shouldn’t fabricate unjust cases against people, as in the Cultural Revolution. In the publicized “Harmonious Society” of today, why are there still people stiffly pushing one family after another into chasms of anguish? Do they represent the government? If they are operating on the basis of their own political benefits, won’t it push one family after another into antagonism with the government?

I want to take a stand against the formless web before me, but I can’t see it or tear it. It has submerged my husband and me in a world of gray. What else can we do? Dispirited, I sat down on the side of the road. I really wanted to turn into the Monkey King, scream out at the monsters, and with a wave of my golden cudgel sweep all the evil spirits out of this world.

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